Deep

It is possible that there are an infinite number of parallel universes in which I exist. This means that there are also an infinite number of other careers that I occupy in each of these universes. If I could just get the version of me that is a professor of quantum mechanics to pull some strings, maybe I could kiss this career goodbye. Sad that that's my only option.

One of the Worst Things

When your printer suddenly springs to life and you know somebody is gonna be stopping by to pick something up and possibly look at your computer screen.

Extensions

Our new phone extension list is shorter than the last one and provides less phone extensions.

Microwave

There was a line for the microwave so I could not let my Lean Cuisine stand for the suggested 1-2 minutes after cooking.

Dark

They're running some kind of training session next to my cubicle. They shut the lights off so they can use the overhead projector. I am now sitting in the dark.

New Hire

Cleaned out an old employees cubicle this morning. Returned 4 highlighters, 12 manilla folders, 9 pens, 47 paperclips, 1 roll of Scotch tape, 2 notepads, and 4 colored pencils to the supply closet so that the new employee may take them out again on Monday.

Notes

I brought a notepad into my meeting yesterday and dreamed that I was taking notes. When I woke up the meeting was over and my notepad was empty. Eerie.

Holy Fed Exes

Fridays

My hours are 8:30 - 5:30. When I started working here somebody told me this was a nice company because on Fridays if you come in at 8:00, and you finish all your work, you can leave at 5:00.

Torture

Forget waterboarding, two hours of dictation tapes would make anybody talk.

Pockets

The back pockets of my dress pants are sewn shut. I can fit one finger
into them, but I have no need to carry my fingers.

It's 2010

Dear Certain Town in Massachusetts: Not only are you an hour off any
major highway, judging by your website you are also twenty years off
the space/time continuum.