This was welcome news to me after reading a depressing study about that weapon of mass destruction known as sugar. Basically, sugar leads to obesity, which can lead to diabetes, cancer, heart disease, etc. Sugar is evil. Sugar will bite at your toes if they are hanging over the side of the bed. These days you pretty much have to grow your own food in order for it to not be poisonous - and then you have to cover yourself in head to toe sun protection before going outside to pick it. Even then, if you microwave any of that food in a plastic bowl you’re exposing yourself to cancer causing chemicals (according to a chain email I received from my mother-in-law). Tupperware will also nip at your toes if they are hanging over the side of the bed.
It’s tough finding out that something you thought was good is actually bad for you. It's even tougher trying to figure out which studies to pay attention to, and which to just shrug off as scare tactics. But I have hope. If researchers can prove that wasting time online is a good thing, who’s to say they won’t soon find that hard work, exercise, pap smears, and flossing are also hazardous to one’s health? I have faith that modern science will someday declare us fat, lazy, and totally healthy.
It is then that a giant meteor will slam into the Earth, killing us all.
|Guess I used all that Listerine for nothin'|