Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Happy 176th Birthday Mark Twain

"There are wise people who talk ever so knowingly and complacently about "the working classes," and satisfy themselves that a day's hard intellectual work is very much harder than a day's hard manual toil, and is righteously entitled to much bigger pay. Why, they really think that, you know, because they all know about the one, but haven't tried the other. But I know all about both; and as far as I am concerned, there isn't money enough in the universe to hire me to swing a pickaxe thirty days, but I will do the hardest kind of intellectual work for just as near nothing as you can cipher it down--and I will be satisfied, too. Intellectual "work" is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation and its own highest reward. The poorest paid architect, engineer, general, author, sculptor, painter, lecturer, advocate, legislator, actor, preacher, singer, is constructively in heaven when he is at work; and as for the magician with the fiddle-bow in his hand who sits in the midst of a great orchestra with the ebbing and flowing tides of divine sound washing over him--why certainly, he is at work, if you wish to call it that, but lord, it's a sarcasm just the same. The law of work does seem utterly unfair--but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, also. And it's also the very law of those transparent swindles, transmissible nobility and kingship."
- A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Friday, November 25, 2011

Family Circle

It's articles like this that make me revel in the fact that I buy all my Christmas decorations at Target.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Secretary4Life's Thanksgiving Countdown

Since November 1st, I’ve noticed some people on Facebook doing a countdown where they list one thing that they’re thankful for each day until Thanksgiving. That is all very positive and nice, but since I know that nobody cares if I’m thankful that I will be long dead before artificial intelligence enslaves the human race, I have instead created a list of 24 things that I am thankful for at the office. Because, contrary to how it feels when you have direct deposit - they do actually pay us to be here. So let’s take a look at the perks:
  1. They pay us to be here.
  2. Sure it’s 62 degrees in the office, but a toasty space heater is pretty nice while I...
  3. Sip on a Starbucks coffee from down the street while....
  4. Surfing the Internet for hours at a time in my....
  5. Ridiculously huge cubicle before...
  6. Heading out to lunch at Chipotle in...
  7. My car that I otherwise would not have been able to afford, and in which I am also...
  8. Sent on road trips to picturesque New England towns, although...
  9. I am sometimes sent to Worcester in the rain. But time outside the office is time outside the office.
  10. I am thankful for email and its contribution to the reduction of human interaction. 
  11. I am thankful that I am not a receptionist who answers the phone all day (no offense, receptionists). See also #10. 
  12. It’s nice that we have a water cooler...
  13. And a Keurig coffee maker...
  14. And vending machines. Because at my last office we drank out of the sink and starved. 
  15. This company rescued me and my Dixie cup of tap water from my last job, for which I am forever grateful (see #14). 
  16. After six years of layoffs and firings, I still have a few close friends with whom to make fun of everybody else. 
  17. Other people’s bodily functions play little to no part in my daily routine.
  18. Sometimes I look outside and see deer and turkeys which is kind of cool. Other times...
  19. I look in the kitchen and see free turkey sandwiches.  Also cool. 
  20. Our tree that smells like dog feces has finally fallen over.
  21. I am confident that it will be at least five years before my job is given to a pair of robot arms screwed into the back of a chair. 
  22. I’ve been blessed with learning three different timesheet programs in the past six years (getting.... harder.....to keep up......positive......attitude......)
  23. Even a pair of robot arms wouldn’t be able to figure out our latest timesheet program, and I’ll take that as job security. 
  24. With the day after Thanksgiving off, I don’t have to see this hellish prison ‘til Monday. 
Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Free Book! Free Book!

Get a free copy of What Stays in Vegas from Smashwords using coupon code BK26Q through November 30th.  Versions are available for Kindle, Nook, and other e-readers. 

If you like it, please leave me a review on Amazon.  Thanks! 

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Cami Secret is to not buy this

Hmm, show off some nice looking cleavage or look like you shoved a pair of granny panties down the front of your shirt? Tough choice.

I Am Very Thankful

Wendy's has redeemed itself! I don't know what was going on the last time I tried the new Hot n' Juicy burger, but it was absolutely terrible. Maybe they read my horrific review because I decided to give it a second chance and...wow! From the total turnaround in presentation (paper, open wrapper), to the thicker patty and as-promised crinkle cut pickles, crunchy onions, and buttery bun, it was fantastic. If I can make it the rest of the afternoon without a stomachache, we have ourselves a winner.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Book Giveaway!

Somewhat better than reading a Coldwater Creek catalog while you eat breakfast.” ~ Newsweek

Short. It was short.” ~ The Washington Post

I am going to personally pull 3 copies of my book, Coffee Breath, from the stack in my basement, and mail them out to 3 lucky winners!



All you need to do is leave me a comment below saying what your favorite book was as a kid, and I will select the winners using random.org on November 17th. If you happen to list the book that was also my childhood favorite, I’ll send you a copy too. Why not, I have like 20 of them.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that I will get 3 comments total, so your chances are pretty damn good. If you do win, and you like it as much as the fake Washington Post did, please be so kind as to leave me a review on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.com.

Good luck!