Thursday, November 10, 2011

Secretary4Life's Thanksgiving Countdown

Since November 1st, I’ve noticed some people on Facebook doing a countdown where they list one thing that they’re thankful for each day until Thanksgiving. That is all very positive and nice, but since I know that nobody cares if I’m thankful that I will be long dead before artificial intelligence enslaves the human race, I have instead created a list of 24 things that I am thankful for at the office. Because, contrary to how it feels when you have direct deposit - they do actually pay us to be here. So let’s take a look at the perks:
  1. They pay us to be here.
  2. Sure it’s 62 degrees in the office, but a toasty space heater is pretty nice while I...
  3. Sip on a Starbucks coffee from down the street while....
  4. Surfing the Internet for hours at a time in my....
  5. Ridiculously huge cubicle before...
  6. Heading out to lunch at Chipotle in...
  7. My car that I otherwise would not have been able to afford, and in which I am also...
  8. Sent on road trips to picturesque New England towns, although...
  9. I am sometimes sent to Worcester in the rain. But time outside the office is time outside the office.
  10. I am thankful for email and its contribution to the reduction of human interaction. 
  11. I am thankful that I am not a receptionist who answers the phone all day (no offense, receptionists). See also #10. 
  12. It’s nice that we have a water cooler...
  13. And a Keurig coffee maker...
  14. And vending machines. Because at my last office we drank out of the sink and starved. 
  15. This company rescued me and my Dixie cup of tap water from my last job, for which I am forever grateful (see #14). 
  16. After six years of layoffs and firings, I still have a few close friends with whom to make fun of everybody else. 
  17. Other people’s bodily functions play little to no part in my daily routine.
  18. Sometimes I look outside and see deer and turkeys which is kind of cool. Other times...
  19. I look in the kitchen and see free turkey sandwiches.  Also cool. 
  20. Our tree that smells like dog feces has finally fallen over.
  21. I am confident that it will be at least five years before my job is given to a pair of robot arms screwed into the back of a chair. 
  22. I’ve been blessed with learning three different timesheet programs in the past six years (getting.... harder.....to keep up......positive......attitude......)
  23. Even a pair of robot arms wouldn’t be able to figure out our latest timesheet program, and I’ll take that as job security. 
  24. With the day after Thanksgiving off, I don’t have to see this hellish prison ‘til Monday. 
Happy Thanksgiving!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the laugh...I promise I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.

    Wait...no. That's not true. As a former cubicle slave, I'm definitely laughing at you. Sorry about that. ;)

    ReplyDelete