Thursday, February 9, 2012

Corporate Jargon Conversation Hearts

Dear Necco,

Picture this.  It’s February 14, 2013.  You’re in a conference room filled with high powered executives. A man, late forties, is concluding his Powerpoint presentation.  He’s been in the advertising industry for twenty years, but it never gets any easier.  Winning this account would be everything.  It would mean that trip to Ireland he and his wife have been dreaming about.  It would be the highlight of his career.

He glances at the executives seated around the table - and at one in particular.  A woman, mid fifties, is scribbling on a pad of legal paper. The decision is hers, but she remains stone-faced.  After what seems an eternity, she looks up and reaches into a small bowl that has been sitting unnoticed on the conference room table.  With a wry smile she tosses the man a Sweethearts Conversation Heart candy. Relief and joy wash over him as he catches it with sweating palms and reads the simple phrase:

And so, I present to you - Corporate Jargon Conversation Hearts. Certain to delight both the executive in your life, and the people in your life who can’t stand executives.

Should this new line of candy make you millions of dollars, I only ask that you give me some of it.  I don’t need any of the candies, as I think they’re kind of gross.


Be My Low-Hanging Fruit
Let’s Circle Back
You’re On My Plate

We’ve Come Full Circle
Can I Bend Your Ear? 

On My Radar
We’re A Win-Win