Thursday, September 25, 2014

Tikker Life Countdown Watch

As if it's not bad enough wasting 8 hours a day sitting in a cubicle, imagine doing it with one of these babies from Sky Mall strapped to your wrist:



Terrific!  Sure it's good to live life and make the most of the time that we have - I just don't think having the equivalent of a bandana-wearing-twenty-three-year-old-backpacker constantly shouting"YOLO!" in my face is the best way to go about it.  Also, I can't see that it's good to, like, constantly think about the minutes of your life ticking away.  They make medication for that kind of behavior.  And I mean, if you're getting shit done just so you can cross it off a list before you croak, and you're less than ninety-two years old and not in possession of a terminal illness, that's pretty morbid.  Imagine the anxiety. 

Imagine doing the dishes or the laundry with one of these things on?  I'm not talking about getting it wet either.  I'm talking about the thoughts that it will cause to run through your head: 

HOW ARE THERE THIS MANY PLATES DON'T THEY KNOW I ONLY HAVE 54 MORE YEARS I SHOULD BE ON A PLANE TO EVEREST WHAT DO YOU MEAN CAN I BRING YOU A JUICE BOX WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE I NEED TO SEE THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA RIGHT NOW WHERE IS MY BANDANA AND MY BOB MARLEY CD OH MY GOD I HAVE TO IRON TOO ARE YOU KIDDING ME I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK SIX MORE LANGUAGES OH NO THERE GOES TWENTY MORE SECONDS

This watch might actually make you kill yourself.  The funny thing is that the free spirits taking selfies in front of Big Ben aren't wearing this damn thing.  No it's going to be on the wrist of some sap trapped in a cubicle.  Because if the sap trapped in his cubicle had the means and the freedom to do all of that YOLO kind of crap, he would already be doing it.  Trust me, we would all be doing it.

And maybe one should get shit done because it feels good to get shit done, and not because one is in a weirdo, self-inflicted, anxiety-inducing, race against the clock. You will literally have a clock. On your wrist. Calculating when you're going to die.

That sounds fun.

Can't wait til Christmas, Sky Mall.  Hope you've got a good return policy.

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