Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thank God it's April Fool's Day, Otherwise My Life Really Blows

Alright guys, I get it. It’s April Fool’s Day so you rigged up my cubicle like this. Very funny. What’d you do, pay someone to come in here and install those fluorescent overhead lights? And that hideous gray fabric...you actually covered my entire cubicle with it? You guys are insane! What an elaborate prank you dreamed up, I’m truly touched. Oh wait - oh my God - did you do this too? You found documents from as far back as 2005 and added them to my stack of To-Be-Filed? Where did you even....how did you....wow. As far as jokes go, this is really over the top. I mean, I was driving into work this morning not even realizing what day it was, meanwhile you guys were here really trying to pull one over on me. 

Now, don’t tell me. This dictation tape, this one right here that sounds like it was recorded during the tsunami and that I’ve been rewinding every 4 seconds trying to decipher all the mumbling, you set this up too? God, you guys must’ve been up all night. What a relief, because I was ready to blow somebody’s head off if this thing turned out to be real. But it was all in good fun, right?

Before I open up Outlook, let me guess. You guys each came up with individual douche-bag requests to email me about? Yup, yup, look, here’s one from Richard asking me to Google him a phone number, and another from Mike asking me to bring him a file that’s in the cabinet directly outside his office. Oh and Jim actually asked me to get him Mapquest directions! Mapquest. You’re too funny. Hey I can dish it as well as I can take it - eat shit losers!! Ahh, only on April Fool’s Day! 
Joke's over guys. Where's my real job? 

I hope nobody else in the office got upset about what you did to the coffeemaker though. Making the coffee taste like it was brewed inside a homeless man’s jock strap, that must’ve taken some planning. You must have spent months making sure that nobody cleaned the pot or ordered a quality brand of coffee. And then making sure there would be no cream in the fridge other than Coffeemate, when you know that Coffeemate gives me diarrhea? Genius. 

What more can I say? Well played everybody. It’s days like this that make me realize how lucky I am to work at this company, and...hmmm, that’s weird. My phone says that it’s March 31st. How’d you guys pull that one off? 

Um, guys?

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