Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Mama Watch This

Dear Children Ages 4-6:

Below please find a guide to when it is appropriate, and when it is not appropriate, to yell "Mama, Watch This!"

1.  Mama, watch this!  I can hit a balloon into the air.

Not appropriate.  

2.  Mama, watch this!  I solved the Rubik's Cube!

Appropriate.

3.  Mama, watch this!  I can waddle like a duck.

Not appropriate.  Seriously, I'm trying to do the dishes.

4.  Mama, watch this!  I'm juggling the cats.

Appropriate.  Now let me try.

5.  Mama, watch this!  I can slowly turn around in a circle.

Not appropriate.  There is no way I'm stopping what I'm doing to watch that.

6.  Mama, watch this!  I can look up at the ceiling.

Not appropriate.  Come on.  Why is that even a thing?

7.  Mama, watch this!  I contacted Grandma's ghost using the Ouija board.

Not appropriate.

8.  Mama, watch this!  I'm on the roof!

Appropriate.   And I probably should have been watching you earlier.

9.  Mama, watch this!  I'm clapping my hands.

Not appropriate.   What are you, an infant?

10.  Mama, watch this!  I'm reading your blog posts.

Fuck.

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