Thursday, February 10, 2011

Life Lessons from My Memo Board

It was just another ordinary day of sitting here staring into space, when I happened to take a look at my memo board and all of the junk that is stuck to it. "What is the meaning of these things?" I asked myself. Why did I bother to hang any of them up? What the hell is in gefilte fish? And why does my cat vomit after nearly every meal? We will answer a few of those questions below - and if you are a veterinarian, for the love of God shoot me an email. 

1. A pretty postcard from Antigua - I went to Antigua in 2007 and have not been anywhere warm since. Basically this postcard is a sadomasochistic reminder that there are people out there drinking Blue Hawaiis and enjoying life while I am in my cubicle. Though I have a feeling that wasn't the reason I purchased it. 

2. A Subway points card - Everyone likes a free lunch, and if I get 50 points I can earn myself a free 6-inch sub. Having the points card in plain view 8 hours a day keeps me focused on the fact that one of my life goals is earning a free 6-inch sub, which in turns encourages me to find better goals.

3. A Dilbert cartoon - Who doesn't like a good Dilbert cartoon? This one was actually an ad we got in the mail from the post office about flat rate shipping, which should tell you how strapped I am for humor around here. But you make do with what you're given.

4. A Wendy's coupon for $1.00 off a salad - The chance that I will actually go to Wendy's and leave with a salad is about as good as me going into Dunkin Donuts and leaving with an egg white flatbread sandwich. Basically, the coupon hangs there so as I scarf down my burrito I can look up at the pictures of all the salads and say "Yep, made the right choice."

5. A quote from The Office which reads: "Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher...that would make this my career. And if this were my career, I would have to throw myself in front of a train. So really, it's a matter of life and death." Truer words have never been spoken and should be part of any self-respecting secretary's daily mantra.

6. Lottery numbers - Similar to the Antigua postcard, this is partly a reminder that there are assholes out there who have won the lottery and no longer have to work. The other part is a reminder to check my numbers, get my hopes up, crush them, cry, listen to Firework by Katy Perry twelve times, and stare at the pretty postcard from Antigua where I will someday return after becoming a successful writer thanks to nothing but my own hard work - no lottery necessary.

I like to think that's the real reason I bought the postcard.