Thursday, February 24, 2011

School Vacation Week...Again?!?

As I pulled out of Dunkin Donuts with relative ease this morning, I realized that there were noticeably fewer cars on the road than usual. "That's weird," I thought. "Yesterday was the holiday that everybody except for me had off. What's going on?" And then it hit me.

School. Vacation. Week.

F*ck.

Being the constantly evolving person that I am (Hello, sweet potatoes? Why did I hate you for so long?) I have grown to accept the fact that teachers might actually need all the vacation time that they get. While I'm sitting in my cubicle writing blog posts, they are trying to get those Bieber-loving punks to pay attention to math and science and that coma-inducing torture device known as The Odyssey. It's got to be grueling, I get that now. That's why this article isn't about the teachers. It's about the kids. What do the kids need all this time off for?

I have a family that I would like to spend more time with. After working for ten years I finally get 3 weeks of vacation which I must ration. But high school kids, they don't want to spend time with their families. So what do we do? We give them 12 weeks of vacation which they spend trying to get out of the house. Perfect.

Point #2: Kids do not own and maintain homes. Kids sleep until noon on Tuesday and then go off to the beach. I sleep until 6:00 a.m., spend the day at work, and then come home to laundry and cat puke. If you're reading this and saying "well you're an adult and they're just kids," save it. If you're old enough to sext, you're old enough for some responsibilities. Say it with me!

Sure homework sucks, but so do emails with red exclamation points next to them and guys with pit stains hanging around your cubicle. Work is a billion times worse than school. So here's what I propose - listen up Department of Education. High school kids should get two weeks off per year just like the rest of us. High school teachers can still take twelve weeks. For those twelve weeks that they don't have a teacher, high school kids can go get jobs. Don't worry, companies love cheap labor. And if the kids don't like it, they can become teachers when they grow up. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I just found a solution to the teacher shortage.

P.S. On my way back from lunch I passed by a driver's ed car full of teens learning how to commute to work. Nice hustle.

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Read this and other office humor posts at The Collared Sheep

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