Monday, May 2, 2011

Morning Commute Extended Due to Traffic, Yeti

Poor driving conditions, and the absolute nerve of an 8-foot tall anthropoid man-beast darting into oncoming traffic, led to an accident and at least two miles of backup during this morning’s commute.

Traffic came to a standstill while the Massachusetts State Police cleared the area of shattered glass and three Hefty bags full of the inconsiderate cryptid’s woolly remains. Flooding on Route 9, which had already been causing commuters enough strife without a North American Apeman deciding to leap full speed over the guardrail during rush hour, is said to be blamed for a Toyota Camry skidding across three lanes of traffic.

Next time try the crosswalk
The hitting of the yeti, after decades of speculation as to the great beast’s existence, has caused rejoicing and repeated punching of the steering wheel among anthropologists, amateur Bigfoot enthusiasts, and road-raging corporate Americans alike. There is no question that today will forever be hailed as both a day that history was made, and a day that some jerk tried to sneak up the breakdown lane because his exit is right there and there’s no way he’s waiting in this shit when he’s got a presentation to make at 9:00 a.m.

The scientific community stated that they are standing by to modify the Classification of Living Things just as soon as that idiot cop wakes up and waves them through.