The nice warm weather is here at last,
Snowy commutes, a thing of the past.
Sleeves rolled up and sunroof down,
Sunglasses on, we peel outta town.
We stop for iced coffee, a morning perk,
Not even thinking that we’re headed for work.
Britney’s blasting and we’re singing along,
But eventually we notice there’s something quite wrong.
That thing, up ahead, what is that?
The office has finally come into view,
Only one more traffic light between it and you.
You think and you ponder for any way out,
You panic and sweat and you finally shout:
Son of a bitch!!!
Do I really have to go in there?
We park our car in the lot and then sit there in it,
Listening to the radio for just one more minute.
At 8:37 we open the door,
“Goodbye Mr. Sun, I shall see you no more.”
We trudge up the stairs to a day full of shit,
80 degrees in the lobby, but 50 where you sit.
Your skin that was warmed by that glorious weather,
Now stuffed inside a gross cardigan sweater.
F*ck you HVAC.
So we purchase at Target some coconut lotion,
To remind us of beaches and days by the ocean.
And to make the torture more complete,
Bob Marley on our iPods…on repeat.
We think these things will help curtail,
The agony of our windowless jail.
These little reminders of beautiful places,
Thousands of miles from these hideous faces.
So what to do but mope and pout?
Retirement age is too far out.
Lottery tickets are religiously bought,
Too bad Prince William’s tied the knot.
Harry is still available!
So what if he dressed up like a Nazi for Halloween?
We could QUIT OUR JOB.
I guess we’ll have to make it through,
With coffee runs and lunch til two.
Come in late and sneak out early,
Try to stop me, Boss. You ain’t that burly.
Whoever thought you’d feel most alive,
During your Monday morning drive?