Thursday, October 13, 2011

Is It National Boss Day Already?

I couldn’t help but laugh when I noticed that National Boss Day (Sunday, October 16th) was listed on my Dunkin Donuts calendar as “National Boss Day Observed,” on Monday, October 17th. I know that a calendar that commemorates Cream Filled Donut Day and Croissant Day (I’m lookin’ at you January 30th) should not be taken seriously. But I need to ask - is there anybody out there who actually celebrates National Boss Day? 

I mean, I like my bosses. I’m lucky that they’ve always treated me well. But I’m not going to buy them a Macy’s gift card and a bouquet of tulips. Why? 1) Because they’re men, and 2) they make four times as much money as I do. Besides, isn’t doing my job well a gift in itself? Every time I type a letter without typos, or print a document without punching the bejesus out of the printer, it’s as if I am telling my bosses “I respect you.” When you cater to somebody’s every whim and scramble around trying to make sure everything they ask for is done quickly - that makes every day Boss Day. Much like every day is Two Year Old Kid Day. If you haven’t figured that much out yet, you probably find yourself getting fired a lot. 

I read an article suggesting taking your boss out to lunch or for coffee to celebrate. Obviously they don’t realize that Edward Cullen, C3PO, and my bosses don’t actually consume food. Sure they walk around crinkling energy bar wrappers and loudly asking each other if they want anything from Wendy’s, but that’s all for show. All the coffee they appear to drink really just drains into bottles that they store inside their hollowed out android legs. Clearly, taking them out for lunch or coffee would be a colossal waste of time.

No thanks, I already ate

So, Dunkin Donuts calendar, why don’t we just leave National Boss Day where it belongs - on Sunday. That way we can celebrate it from our respective homes without having to see each other until Monday. In the meantime, I will leave you with an example of a boss who actually does deserve recognition on National Boss Day...and one who should probably just die:

Boss who deserves to be honored:When the Malden Mills factory in Methuen, MA burned down in 1995, Aaron Feuerstein used the insurance money to continue paying 3,000 employees their salaries (plus full benefits) while the factory was rebuilt. In 1998 he was awarded the Peace Abbey Courage of Conscience Award.

Boss who does not:When Ashley Alford was sitting on the stockroom floor of Aaron’s furniture store in 2005, her boss Richard Moore came up behind her and put his penis on her head.