Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Wanted: Vampire Slayer. Experience with Microsoft Word Preferred.

Also read this article on The Collared Sheep

InStyle magazine recently quoted Twilight star Ashley Greene as saying "I worked in accounts payable before and realized that I never, ever wanted to have an office job again." Everyday I too realize that I never want to have an office job again. I think about it when I wake up in the morning, before I go to bed at night, and from 8:30 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. Monday thru Friday. So why is it that this girl was actually able to make it happen? Let's take a look at where our paths may have diverged:

1) According to Wikipedia, when Ashley was 17 years old she had a passion for acting. When I was 17 years old I had a passion for AOL chat rooms.

2) Ashley had enough ambition to graduate from high school early and move to Los Angeles to follow her dreams. I had enough ambition to go to college and settle on a liberal arts degree that didn't involve too much math.

3) Ashley probably went on hundreds of auditions and didn't give up until she got her big break in a wildly successful movie. I went on three interviews and accepted a job with a guy who asked me for my "email number" so he could send me a fax.

As a result, Ashley landed herself the Twilight gig and 24/7 access to Robert Pattinson, while I landed myself a series of mediocre secretarial jobs and 24/7 access to regret and self-pity. But as they say, it is never too late to discover what you are passionate about and work it into some sort of enjoyable career. For those of us whose passion in life took an extra 15-30 years to present itself, my advice to you is this: Close your eyes. Imagine yourself as a pack of teenage werewolves. Imagine your career goals as a coven of sparkly vampires whose heads you must rip off with all the fury of your Quileute forefathers. If you keep your career goals in mind, put in the effort to pursue them, and be sure to sever the head completely from the vampiral spinal column, you will almost certainly be guaranteed success.

Failure shall result in an eternity at your desk job - never aging any closer to retirement.

2 comments:

  1. HAAAAA just found your blog when I googled this lady's quote to see if anyone else found her to be a bit of an asshole.

    I mean, yeah, now that I get paid millions to work half the year, why would I ever want to make $15 an hour with two weeks vacation and no free designer clothes!!!!

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  2. Hello friends out there my name is Alex Daniel am a vampire i was born in California am 40 years old i love being a vampire because i always get what i want i have initiate allot of friends and family member, young and old ,if you have interest and you want to be a vampire you are free i can turn you and you will be one of us. Fame, money, anything you want will defiantly be yours contact vampireword74@gmail.com today and be one of us or you can call on +2348105217305
    Thanks

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