Us: Hi, we'd like to add more trees and outdoor seating to your local shitty fast food restaurant.
Neighbor: If you remove the Mayor McCheese jungle gym, I'll fucking kill you.
Clearly, only crazy people like that would have a problem with it. It's a total waste of time. So what possible way could there be to make this task even more revolting? Aahhhhh yes, maybe if I sent each one in a bacon flavored envelope:
So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.Hey maybe it's good, I dunno. I was also reluctant to try pineapple on my pizza, and now I'm a full fledged Hawaiian pizza eating machine. But at least pineapple's, you know, made out of food. So I think I'll just stick with glue flavored envelopes.
Or, better yet, tape.
|No thanks, I'll just chew on these envelopes.|