Monday, August 8, 2011

Why Are All My Posts About Food Lately?

One of the most annoying tasks I have to do at my job is to mail out notifications to people who live close to the fast food restaurants that we're remodeling, just in case somebody objects. 

Us: Hi, we'd like to add more trees and outdoor seating to your local shitty fast food restaurant.

Neighbor: If you remove the Mayor McCheese jungle gym, I'll fucking kill you.

Clearly, only crazy people like that would have a problem with it.  It's a total waste of time.  So what possible way could there be to make this task even more revolting?  Aahhhhh yes, maybe if I sent each one in a bacon flavored envelope:

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.
Hey maybe it's good, I dunno.  I was also reluctant to try pineapple on my pizza, and now I'm a full fledged Hawaiian pizza eating machine.  But at least pineapple's, you know, made out of food.  So I think I'll just stick with glue flavored envelopes.

Or, better yet, tape.

No thanks, I'll just chew on these envelopes. 

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