Thursday, October 3, 2013

Pinterest is the Devil

A lot of my son's preschool friends are having birthday parties at those places that are filled with bouncy castles.  If you don't already know what that is, I don't really know how else to describe it.  I mean, it's a big room and it's filled with bouncy castles and parents stand around awkwardly in their socks trying to make small talk with other parents.  And I think they might have Wi-Fi.  Anyway, we considered having my son's party there this year, but since we are also going to Disney World we decided to just have an at-home family party instead.  Of course this morning he asks me if we're going to the bouncy place for his birthday.
Me:  "Not this time, buddy.  We're having your party at home because we're going to Disney World."
Him:   "And because that's going to be more fun than the bouncy place?"
Shit, I hope so.  I mean, you can bounce all day for about eleven bucks.  Maybe we should have discussed this before we booked the big fancy trip.

But anyway...we're having the party at home.  And in the spirit of our fun but apparently not as fun as a bouncy castle place vacation, I decided to do a Disney theme.  At first I wanted to do a Classic Mickey Mouse theme - red, black & white.  You know, this guy:

I figured I could find some decorations to buy online and then get some red and black plates & napkins.  Done and done.  But do you know what actually happens in the year 2013 when you Google the phrase "classic mickey mouse party"?  Fucking Pinterest happens.

Things started out bad:

Cupcakes with bows and Oreo cookies on sticks with at least five removable parts.  Is it even fun to eat an Oreo cookie off a stick? It seems like it would immediately crumble and fall on the floor. 

Then things got even worse.  Now we're talking homemade subway signs.  Homemade bottle labels.  HOMEMADE STRAWS.  I'm not sure what's going on in that bottom righthand picture, there seems to be a can of Coke and some Redi Whip.  Probably a special "signature" drink.  These types of parties always have a signature drink. 

And worse:

Exactly how many sets of lollipop molds do I need to invest in for this party?  Is that even a thing?  I take solace in the fact that every kid leaving this party is in for a boatload of cavities. 

And worse still:

Now they're bringing mason jars into it.  Totally uncalled for.  Never mind that I'll need to get out some sort of drill in order to make the straw holes.  You may as well ask me to make corn on the cob in the middle of the afternoon. 

Then there's the popcorn buffet, because to throw a party like this you need to have invited at least 350 people:

I'm not sure why Goofy is pulling an American Pie on that bowl of caramel corn.  Pull yourself together, man.  This is a children's party.  Of course there are also take away bags for the popcorn with three different stickers to hold it shut:

Don't get me wrong, all of these parties are gorgeous and I would love to do them if I had unlimited time and money.  I obviously write all of this out of total and complete jealousy. But I'd also love to be able to buy some of this stuff from Party Express if it were an option.  It's not an option.  If you want to do any of this you have to craft it yourself.  Or you have to hire someone to craft it for you and spend the equivalent of a small Bar Mitzvah.  Unfortunately, most of us can't do either of those things. Yet Pinterest bombards us with these pictures of what a "good" Mickey Mouse party should look like. It used to be that we only saw these pictures in magazines, and we knew that real people weren't actually doing it.  But with Pinterest, we start to think it's the norm. 

Fortunately for my family, what was an option at Party Express was this 8 pack of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cups (or "goblets," if you will):

And these bags of chips from Stop & Shop:

And these favor bags with a star on them from Target:

The only signature drink that we will be having is a packet of grape Kool-Aid that my son is super excited about.  I think it will be okay.  And if not, who cares? We're going to Disney World.